Haters Gonna Hate. Bankers Gonna Bank.

Evening everyone. Ever wondered why banks are so hated? I mean reeaaaaally hated. Don’t say because of the credit crunch and the global economic crisis; everyone hated the banks before 2007. The reason they’re detested by Mr Joe Public is because they’re out of touch with reality.

The rule of business is to make a profit by generating sales through looking after pre-existing customers and getting new ones. I’m pretty sure the aim of business isn’t to piss-off your loyal customers by not being able to do simple tasks, such as printing a piece of paper.

High street banks are very much like doctor’s surgeries: if you’re there, you’re pretty much f*cked and try and get out of there with the minimum of fuss whilst knowing that both will probably charge you for the privilege of “helping you”. Not only was the pain of queueing excruciating, (not only because I’m impatient, but because there were two members of staff ‘on the tills’ whilst three worked out the profit margins of their stationery or something) but the fact was that I was using my sacred Friday-afternoon off for the privilege of being there. I mean, who doesn’t open on Caturdays? Seriously? Pffft....back to the story, and following the Pakistani man putting two grands worth of ‘legitimiate’ money into his business account, and the retired couple requesting a new cheque book, I finally get to the cashier:

RBS:  “Hello how can I help you today?” (with a wide grin and a patronising tone)

Me: “I’d like to request a statement please, because I need one for work - as proof of residency.”

RBS: “Do you not get them in the post?”

Me: “Yes, I do, but quarterly, and I normally throw them straight out, because they’re not happy reading” (attempting humour...)

RBS: “Oh I’m sorry to hear that.”  (humour not appreciated and/or understood)

Me: “So... can I request another one please?”

RBS: “Well, we can’t process them here I’m afraid. I can get one sent to you and it should arrive in about a week.”

Me: “A week? I need it today, now, that’s why I’ve come in - I may as well have ordered one online. I thought you could help.”

RBS: “Well we don’t have the facilities to print statements I’m afraid”

Me: “Are you joking love? There’s an all in one scanner/copier/printer thingy over there *points to the office-sized one adjacent to the queue I was just standing in*, why can’t you print it on that? 

RBS: “Well...it’s not for that, and I can’t just print it I’m sorry.”

Me: “Crickey Moses! (the three members of staff meerkat’ed to look at me, stopping working out the cashflows of their imaginary paperwork) I pay tax for this tripe? 84% of rubbish is still rubbish. No wonder you had to be bailed out, you can’t afford a flippin network cable or decent service!

RBS: “Sir, I think you should remain calm and I’ll try to help”

Me: “Remain calm, I was never calm to begin with!”

RBS: “I think you should leave sir, and return another time...”

Me: “And I think you should give me my bloody piece of paper and my tax revenue back.”

*Storming exit* (drama hindered by the lack of the door slamming noise.....bloody automatic doors!)

So yeah.... RBS Gloucester branch....you are my nemesis and not a scratch on the high-standards of customer service I experienced in HSBC. If you cannot provide a customer with a piece of paper with his details - you clearly do not deserve to be a leading player in the British or any other national economy. The next day I received a standard email entitled “Mr Edwards, your latest statement is available online.” To which I thought....of course it is. Digital banking is a permanent statement which is always available and always online. F*ckers. 

Sorry everyone for this rant. Just had to get this off my chest.

Comment & spread the bloggo love....or RBS hatred, preferably both.


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