Walking back from an informative and thoroughly engaging Art History lecture on the prominent works of Eugene Delacroix, I decided to return the missed call/voicemail message which was left on my phone whilst I was engaged therein.
The conversation is near enough verbatim.
PE: Hello, I had a missed call from this number...?
C: Hello, oh right. Who is it? How are you?
PE: I'm ok thanks, it's Paul Edwards
C: Hi Paul, yes yes, I remember now.
PE: Right. So...who are you?
C: I'm Charlotte and I work for Pareto Law, the recruitment company and I wanted to get in contact with you regarding the graduate position you applied for.
(It's important to note here readers, that before I returned the call, I Googled the telephone number and the first five forum comments regarding the subject 'who is calling me?' answered with the phrasing: "Pareto Law, they're a scam recruitment company, tell them to politely **** off. Complete time wasters". Their website says that they specialise in recruitment for sales roles, which to me is like applying to shovel shit. Alas, I was more than sceptical hippo about this company even before I pressed 'call'.)
PE: (I've recently applied for more jobs than I care to [or can] remember, so on the off-chance that it was kosher, I enquired more about the position, to jog my memory / weasel something out of them) Sorry, what's the exact job title and location again?
C: Well, it's..um..a graduate position.
PE: And where is it based?
C: Um... where are you based?
PE: Wait..what? You can't answer a question with another question. Where's the job based?
C: Well, we're a nationwide company.
PE: I get that. I'm based near Reading. (Which is the third thing listed on my C.V: After the words 'Curriculum Vitae' and my name! More alarm bells were ringing.)
C: OK, that's good.
PE: Quick question for you.
C: Sure.
PE: Did I actually apply for this 'graduate role' or did you just speculatively fish my CV from somewhere?
C: Our records have your CV.
PE: But did I actively apply for this job, because it doesn't sound like me.
C: We found your CV on Jobsite I think.
PE: Right, that makes sense. [Feeling like a barrister at this point]
...Awkward pause.
C: So...are you actively looking for a job, what's your employment background?
PE: Well..if you had my CV, you'd know my employment background inside-out but yes I am; on a part-time basis because I'm a post-graduate student.
C: Oh right. Well, the positions are only on a full-time basis, so unfortunately we wouldn't be able to offer you one of the graduate positions.
PE: How can I be disappointed at something I didn't apply for? If the job was full-time, I wouldn't have applied for it. (Coming to the boil) And if you actually read my CV, you'd see that I was a part-time student and so would NEVER apply for a full-time role.
C: Ok....well.
PE: It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks. You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day sir!
(OK, so maybe I didn't say the last bit, but I did end it with an assertive 'Good Day'.)
-
So there you go kids. Another stressful phone conversation. They really are a recurring theme of my life I feel (see previous bloggo entries). I wish to point out here that the other PROFESSIONAL recruitment consultants I've dealt with have been lovely, intelligent and human. I really do pity call-centre monkeys and the shit they have to shovel.
Night All.
I'll blog more, I promise.
