Dog Walking with a Hummer

Walking the dog is one of life’s great pleasures. Fresh air, the glorious Gloucestershire countryside, the camaraderie of fellow dog walkers, you name it. Do I do it everyday you ask?...In a word....no. The reason is not because I am lazy or irresponsible (I carry so many poo-bags on me, that I rustle more than a bag of Hula Hoops) but because my dog like many others, despises other dogs. The patience my lovely Labrador shows when being down-trodden and climbed-on by my 3 young nieces fails to appear when she’s wearing her lead. The red cord that binds us for 20 minutes is far from umbilical when we enter a a public environment as I try to break her line of sight to the Collies or Greyhounds who are frolicking freely like something out of a Disney classic. ‘Walking’ is generally more of an amble which sometimes bursts into 20 seconds of jogging when the puppy Malamute from the next cul-de-sac appears with its cute (albeit infuriating) inquisitive nature. Unlike many people, I don’t have a set route per se, I just tend to evade other dogs, but if you imagine the Volkswagen logo within a trapezoid, you’re probably halfway there.

I don’t know if you’ve ever conversed with a fellow dog-walker, but they really are a mixed bag of nuts. “Can you put it on a lead please love, I don’t want it to get eaten” is often received with a quizzical glare only before seen on John MacEnroe’s game-face. They call their sweetums back only after my Lab tugs enough to jerk my 16st frame...wise move.

Although, if one was to leave their dog off the lead, hypothetically, and it came up to the pair of us, and it did get bitten; why should I be sympathetic? I warned them, and they didn’t listen. Moral Highground 1 - German Shepherd 0 for all I care. For many people, their dog is a self-projected image of their class or status, like their car. If someone left the handbrake off their family saloon, you let them know in a polite fashion and they cared not to listen, why should you feel sorry for them when it crashes into a Hummer. I stand by that simile - not because I feed her petrol (please don’t call the RSPCA), but because she’s bigger than she needs to be, physically tough and is misunderstood by the general public.

But like other things misunderstood by the majority of the public, most notably global warming and grammar, my black lab is here to stay. So for those of you with your Prius-Pooches and your Honda-Hounds, good on you. Save petrol and keep on walking.