Nothing Is New In The Arts

Amazon.co.uk please do not feign knowledge about me. You do not know what I like and you  certainly cannot differentiate between what I buy myself and what I buy for others. Just because something is popular does not mean that I will be "interested" in it. Opium and Syphilis were popular during the 19th Century, but I don't see you offering those on Prime with a 1-Click Delivery service....If Lewis Carroll was around today, he'd be incredibly disappointed.


What you have done Amazon, by showing me your shiny new DVD and music collections is demonstrate that our leading artists and advertising nerds have no original thoughts left what so ever.

For example. In the 'Action' film section of Amazon, you will find the following:

That's right. Coming soon to your DVD shelf. The 2013 Best-seller....Generic hard-man with a hand-gun walks away from a building that's either structurally unsound or about to explode.

It's small man syndrome with a gazillion dollar sponsor. "I can't think of something witty or new or intellectual so I'll just shoot shit and blow stuff up. That gets girls' attention. Right?....Right?"


FUCK ME HOLLYWOOD. SORT YOUR SHIT OUT.

Then I thought....calm down Edwards. Hollywood's always been pumped full of narcotics, Viagra and testosterone....why else would the state of California vote for Arnie? (I was going to include a list of Arnold Schwarzenegger based DVD-covers which were from the same artistic school as the ones above but there are just TOO many and I don't want to risk crashing Blogger.)

Music. British music. You're alright. You've brought us The Jam, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Stone Roses....they all had pretty cool album covers because the music on those albums was pretty good.

What horror to find these A-sides in the 'Top New Music' section in our favourite rainforest:

That's right. Coming to a stereo system near you: Pretentious artist delivers new monochromatic album cover  which alludes to film-noir in an arrogant, faux-empathetic style.

The inserts in these albums actually say  "Look at me -  I have so many emotions, I do all of these different faces and I can hold at least three different instruments in different poses but I'm not classically trained in any of them because that would be mainstream." SORT IT OUT MUSICIANS!

THROW A TV OUT OF A HOTEL WINDOW OR SOMETHING!

YOU'RE LESS EXCITING THAT FOOTBALLERS!!

 WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!!?




Sorry readers. I promise my next one will be calmer.